By looking to find someone else to blame, we are failing to deal with our own mind.
When we look at most conflict in the world and through our day to day interactions, we begin to notice how blame can easily get shifted off our shoulders and onto others'. It's convenient to point a finger in order to protect our sense of self. We don't want to be proven wrong, attacked, or taken advantage of.
I was thinking of metaphors for what the action of blame is like in life and came up with this: You're playing Monopoly and it's late in the game and you find yourself going to jail once again. You're relieved because you don't have to face the row of hotels in front of you for the time being; there's a sense of comfort and safety, but you know you have to face the board eventually. Part of the fun is seeing how we're able to get out paying rent on those properties. If we never left jail, the game would be endless and grow stale.
Blame is like that. We face many adversaries day to day and often habitually retreat to our safety zone of, "I didn't do anything wrong here. This person/event has made my day really difficult." Stepping out of that comfort zone, we can see that beyond the "drama" there's an undercurrent of good things happening all around us at any given moment. We may "land on a property with a hotel" in life, but inevitably we always shake it off with a laugh; and if not a laugh, we grow wiser for the experience. By pointing a finger, we've completely ruled out 50% of the problem: our perspective.
Being honest in my own experience, I find that in unpleasant circumstances, I quickly place blame on another person for causing this thing to happen. There is a definite sense of ignorance and lack of trust in the situation. A common pattern in my life is that of withdrawing from challenges (not wanting to "rock the boat", per se) and using so much energy to fight what has crossed paths with me.
It's upleasant to be afraid. We all work to address our fear in ways that have to do with: "I don't want to be afraid right now. I'm in this meeting and have to talk and feel embarrassed and anxious. I need to get rid of the things that scare me because I want to be able to perform."
You have to start with the basics: dealing with what's presented to you in a mindful manner; working with things as they come up. You cannot run way from fear or you'll never get past it. If you go toward it, if you have a genuine interest in it, as unpleasant as it may be, you can move through that to fearlessness. If you can catch yourself in the act of blame, if you can see it, then you can do something about it.
It's really that simple.
(Photo Credit: momo.echz)
