The Voice: Dan Palmere's Blog

Living in the moment really does make people happier

Psychologists have found that people are distracted from the task at hand nearly half the time, and this daydreaming consistently makes them less happy. 

Read more, here.

Psychologist Shows Why We 'Choke' Under Pressure—and How to Avoid It

This is a pretty interesting article; I'm fascinated by many elements of psychology and learning about ways one could move past habitual patterns of thinking and become as Matthew Kelly describes in his book, "The Rhythm of Life", the "best version of ourself". 

This is just a small example of something I think many people (not just athletes and performers) encounter periodically, if not on a daily basis.

Read more about it here.

What You Say About Others Reveals A Lot About You

"How positively you see others is linked to how happy, kind-hearted and emotionally stable you are."

Read the rest of this great article here. 

Today's Reflection

By looking to find someone else to blame, we are failing to deal with our own mind.

When we look at most conflict in the world and through our day to day interactions, we begin to notice how blame can easily get shifted off our shoulders and onto others'. It's convenient to point a finger in order to protect our sense of self. We don't want to be proven wrong, attacked, or taken advantage of. 

I was thinking of metaphors for what the action of blame is like in life and came up with this: You're playing Monopoly and it's late in the game and you find yourself going to jail once again. You're relieved because you don't have to face the row of hotels in front of you for the time being; there's a sense of comfort and safety, but you know you have to face the board eventually. Part of the fun is seeing how we're able to get out paying rent on those properties. If we never left jail, the game would be endless and grow stale. 

Blame is like that. We face many adversaries day to day and often habitually retreat to our safety zone of, "I didn't do anything wrong here. This person/event has made my day really difficult." Stepping out of that comfort zone, we can see that beyond the "drama" there's an undercurrent of good things happening all around us at any given moment. We may "land on a property with a hotel" in life, but inevitably we always shake it off with a laugh; and if not a laugh, we grow wiser for the experience. By pointing a finger, we've completely ruled out 50% of the problem: our perspective. 

Being honest in my own experience, I find that in unpleasant circumstances, I quickly place blame on another person for causing this thing to happen. There is a definite sense of ignorance and lack of trust in the situation. A common pattern in my life is that of withdrawing from challenges (not wanting to "rock the boat", per se) and using so much energy to fight what has crossed paths with me. 

It's upleasant to be afraid. We all work to address our fear in ways that have to do with: "I don't want to be afraid right now. I'm in this meeting and have to talk and feel embarrassed and anxious. I need to get rid of the things that scare me because I want to be able to perform." 

You have to start with the basics: dealing with what's presented to you in a mindful manner; working with things as they come up. You cannot run way from fear or you'll never get past it. If you go toward it, if you have a genuine interest in it, as unpleasant as it may be, you can move through that to fearlessness. If you can catch yourself in the act of blame, if you can see it, then you can do something about it. 

It's really that simple. 

(Photo Credit: momo.echz)

The Mysteries of Water

A fascinating documentary about the effect of intention, thoughts, emotions and music on water. 

A Stroke of Insight

Spreading Thought

When we deal with today only, seemingly impossible projects become manageable. Conflicts that would have consumed all of our attention can be addressed for a reasonable amount of time if we recognize that they may not have to be resolved completely and at once. And "just for today," we can make small changes in our actions and attitudes, explore new possibilities and take a few tiny risks, all of which can help us to move forward in a positive direction.

You can begin by trying to adopt one or two of the suggestions below. It doesn't, matter which ones we choose; they can all help us put this one day to use and learn that managing a single day can be the beginning of a new and better life:

• Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.


• Just for today I will be happy. This echoes in the philosophically profound words of Abraham Lincoln: "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."


• Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. 


• Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision. There is more to life than increasing its speed. 


• Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

 

Photo Credit: sakis.da

New Year's awareness

It's a month of new beginnings in many ways. 

What happens during the year? We lose our connection between the mind and body. During the days leading up to the New Year we examine all the negative aspects of our life: "Something needs to change, I can't live like this anymore." This pattern of thinking is typically negative towards ourselves or rolled off as humorous neglect. 

You might say, "I'm going to make some changes in my life". That's fantastic. Taking control and stepping in a positive, healthy direction feels natural, it feels right. The mind wants it and the body needs it. However, we inevitably lose the fire of the resolution. External factors get in the way of precious time and commitments we set out to engage in. It happens every year and every day and fools us again and again. 

Why is this? It happens because of the intensity and speed of life that we have created. The mind constantly seeks out the next thing to do. We rarely find comfort in being still and listening to the needs of our body and mind's interest. There is more to life than increasing it's speed. Just because others around us are moving a mile a minute, we don't have to contribute. We don't have to add to the rush. 

As soon as we start to see that we spend so much of our life and energy avoiding being present, being honest emotionally, being fully known, we can start to feel what's underneath it all. And what's under it might be tenderness, vulnerability, and the connection to basic goodness of our life and that of others. 

For me, that's the fire of the true new year's resolution. A synonym for "resolution" is single-mindedness. I don't want to be so single-minded to complete a task that I lose focus of the other needs of myself (mind and body) and others. A more appropriate suggestion that I'll offer in place of that term is a new year's awareness. Instead of making a list of things that I'd like to do, to be done at some point throughout the year, I'm going to attend to the present moment and become aware of the needs I actually need to fulfill, rather than the needs my mind tells me should be done to satisfy or gain the approval of others. 

"Everybody wake up, if you're living with your eyes closed."

- Dave Matthews Band, "Everybody Wake Up (Our Finest Hour Arrives)"

 

GuluWalk 2009

Last week at a Berklee Fusion Magazine meeting, the hosts of Correspondence, a weekly radio show on the BIRN, introduced us to a charity/awareness walk taking place in Boston on October 24th. It's called the GuluWalk. 

Dozens of cities around the world will gather to walk, discuss, and hear speeches from people promoting global awareness, specifically to the needs of children in Northern Uganda. You can read more about the conflict on this page. 

My decision to participate in the walk works in solidarity with my ever-growing interest in becoming a global citizen and awakened individual. I hope that with the help and involvement of other people in my school and community, we can all start to really understand what it means to live again. 

Check out our team page here: GuluWalk Team Page. You can get further details on how to sponsor us or even walk if you live in the Boston area. 

Peace. 

Don't limit yourself

1. Try new foods. 
2. Musicians: try traveling outside your city for gigs.  
3. Read about things you don't know about.      

...and most importantly:

Don't believe everything you think.  

It might be their birthday

Yesterday in the library I was at the desk having what I thought was "normal volume" conversation with a co-worker. A student walked past the desk on the way out and with a hint of hesitancy said, "you guys are being really loud. That's all we can hear in the reading room."

I don't know this individual. I don't know what they are going through or where they've been.

The message was direct. I admired the student's gusto. A similar thing happened to me as a first semester student, but I never said anything. In fact, it took me a while to work up the courage to excuse myself when trying to get past someone while walking through the rows in the library. If you have trouble with this, constantly ask yourself, "is this a reasonable request?". I will admit I felt uncomfortable at how direct the statement was. Nonetheless, a reasonable request. 

Granted, the reading room is set back a ways from the desk, but I soon realized that it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. 

Little situations occur like this everyday. Small 10-second portions of our lives that eat away at us for the rest of the day. Gone in an instant, but replay in our minds, creating unhappiness within us. That's why the philosophy of wanting everything to go "perfectly" leaves us almost always disappointed. Once we can accept that every event that occurs is in our best interest, life becomes more enjoyable. Accept every instance. Begin to label less. 

There's no need to reflect on what just happened (although, I admit I did for a time after the student walked away). If you find yourself being the one handing criticism, take a step back. Bring yourself back to the present. Work towards creating a conscious solution, rather than putting other people down. 

Who knows? It might be their birthday. 

Silent films

I was eating dinner in a cafe near Berklee a while back and noted how great an idea it was for them to play a silent film on the television screens around the bar area. With all the noise from the kitchen and patrons, extraneous volume from a program or game would have made the environment too rowdy.

It took me no time at all to follow the plot of the silent film. I didn't need the noise. 

I find the same applies to daily group conversation. We sometimes are distracted by the loudest member, leaving others people's input boxed out. I've caught myself doing this multiple times in conversation. "Loudest" can also mean the person who always draws the attention back to themselves. The one who uses frequent "I" statements and is overly-opinionated. 

The best solution I've come up with is to be fully present when you're communicating with someone. Invest yourself fully. Don't feel anxiety to have to say something. As hard as it seems, don't worry about prolonged eye contact or if you're making "acceptable" facial expressions. 

By human nature, we base a lot of judgement on vision. What's the first thing that happens when someone enters the room? Heads turn and make a split-second "okay" or "weird" perception. In that sense, show others through action your nature. Again, it's as simple as listening with no reservations. 

Sunday

The last day of the week has always been associated with a "day of rest". Some cultures and religions count Sunday as the beginning of the week and a day to gather and spend time with God through prayer and reflection. 

What's the reality? 

• Day for students to finish work put off
• Day for families to complete yard work and housekeeping duties  
• Day for workers to gain some extra hours    

These are just a few examples of how the original intention of the day has changed over time. Of course there are circumstances in everyone's life that make it that way. If it weren't for those people working on Sunday, how could we accomplish certain things? If we don't have time during the week, how are we able to get the yard work done? 

In any case, the point is that "Sunday" doesn't have to be the same Sunday for every person. Plan a day in your week for reflection on the present moment. Do things you want to do, not have to. Step away from all electronics and pick up that book collecting dust on the shelf. 

More important, step outside to enjoy your day in the sun. 

Quote Reflection

"Everything in moderation, including moderation."

I love this quote. It reminds me that sometimes we get stuck in the habit of rationing activities and experiences. "Everything in moderation" can mean expenditures for many people, I think. However, you can also look at it as personal growth. 

If you limit yourself to the same things, same way of thinking, and same patterns of behavior, there's no escape. It's good to recognize when to use moderation and when not to. It's healthy for our minds to see and experience new things -- healthy things, that is. 

Are you serious?

I see it everyday. Drivers in Boston getting irritated and impatient at all hours on the streets. Today I even heard, "are you serious?" yelled out the window of one motorist. 

This phenomenon known as "road rage", can be found almost everywhere. Small towns and definitely big cities. Every driver thinks they're the better driver: "where did this joker learn how to drive? Get out of the fast lane." 

Maybe if you're the one saying that, it's time to move across to the slower lane. If it's about getting to a destination quicker, you should have left earlier. Of course, there are circumstances for everyone and that in no way merits the classic "stare down" as you drive past the other seemingly incompetent driver. 

This does not teach a lesson to them. 

If anything you're beginning a pattern of uncourteous behavior. That definitely isn't what our society needs right now. It starts on the streets. Better a friendly wave than the finger. If we could step back and look at how we react to such trivial situations, things would be different. Obviously, though, this isn't like "It's a Wonderful Life". 

All we can do is focus on the present moment. Stressing in traffic is your mind telling you something bad will happen if you're late or don't beat your highway speed record. Perhaps consider other means of transportation. If your destination is 10 miles or less away, biking is a great alternative. 

Take control of aspects of your life causing stress. 

Happy Birthday

Every day is the first day of your life. 

This thought came across my mind as I walked to school today. If we can observe the world without judgement and with a curious mind, a glimmer of genuine happiness starts to appear. 

I think our minds start to be overprotective and attach easily to rigid routines. Do you ever stop and think about why you do certain things? Honking the horn in traffic. Always having to be right in conversations. Step back and just observe. Learn more about yourself by learning more about others. 

By applying this concept, there would be no more anxiety about social situations. No more stress sitting in traffic. We still use common sense and knowledge from days and years before, but learn to handle any situation with an open mind. 

You can start at anytime. Start simple.

  

Locked in

You've seen it in movies and TV where a group of people are locked into an isolated area and are forced to get along and work with each other. That got me thinking: 

Are there groups we're around everyday but don't really know? 

For me, definitely yes. I see the same people everyday at school and other places, and have never taken the time to actually introduce myself or get to know them. It's not that I'm avoiding it, I guess I've just been too comfortable in my personal space. I hope I don't have to go through life like that. 

Things I'm looking to try:

1. Not hold back about introducing myself to others. 
2. Have at least one genuine conversation during the week. We can't always avoid the trivial, small-talk in our days. It let's others know we're still okay.  
3. Stop dodging people to avoid conversation. Face people directly.   
4. Be honest with my words. 

Headache and conversation

Yesterday afternoon I got a headache and immediately took some aspirin. In the meantime, I was sitting through my work shift under what felt like really bright lights. 

While talking to my co-worker, I found that because of my headache, I felt a lot more relaxed and able to put my guard down. Maybe it had to do with trying taking my mind off it. I was definitely immersed in that "not caring" mindset. 

Improving social conversation is something I'm always working on, and yesterday gave me a glimpse of another approach. 

Be present and work past your inner "dialogue" when talking to another person.

Oldest man

The confirmed world's oldest man passed away today at age 113. It made me realize how much history this man lived through. I bet he would say the world is the same, but people have lost their focus. 

If you look back a year ago today in your life, you'll probably find you're the same, but the circumstances around you influenced your present mindset. I'm working to accept where I am now and stop pushing so hard for something in the future. Goals are great, but when we forget where we are right now, right here, then nothing matters. 

Break the cycle. Do what excites you and explore your sense of self. 

You don't need it anyways

What if you sold your TV tomorrow?

• You can watch most of your shows on the internet.
• You can save hours during your week for more beneficial hobbies: reading, learning the guitar, mastering a foreign language, meditation, etc.  

Why be the person defined by material possessions? Why not replace family movie night with family board game night? Forget about building a library of DVDs to show off to your friends.  

The days of the big screen TV and entertainment center are over. Replace more for less.